WHEN ALL U WANT IS....TO LOSE URSELF

First things first,this ain't a self-help guide to crest-fallen lovers or die-hard romantics,both these polarised groups baffle and amaze me.
I never understood love properly(someone is going to kill me for this....!) but perhaps it's not something to be understood ,only to be experienced.Unlike many other emotions,often it's quite late when we realize that we're in love and as is the case we seem to be helpless.
Many may contradict me but perhaps the biggest problem of romance in our age is..."we fall in love with personality but later we have to cope up with the character".
And offcourse we're not very good at coping up,why?
because of our BIG EGO.
Ego and love cannot co-exist,there's no simpler way to put this.
Self-less and unconditional relation helps keep our ego down because it teaches you a very important lesson in life...the universe doesnot rotate around us,every other person is as important as us.

Love is responsibility,when you commit to someone ,you actually commit to yourshelf....you commit to be a companion ,a co-passenger because love is always a journey,never a destination.Just like life there's no point of saturation or satisfaction in a relationship.The day you are satisfied ,it'll be all over,is'nt it?
So the keyword for me is....be yourshelf,dont try to change too much for anyone ,yes we change ourshelves either knowingly or unknowingly for people we want to impress and later inevitably suffer it's consequences because the change is never permanent is us,infact it's not simply "US".

There's a thing called the "desire paradox".Love is like a butterfly in garden of life,the more you chase it...the more it eludes you but the moment you are "yourshelf" and at peace with the garden ,the butterfly comes and sits on your shoulders.
The day we start forcing our will in a relationship,we've actually triggered the beginning of ending it.Love ,just like respect ,cant be commanded...it can only be earned and believe me everyone is worthy of earning it.

Sometimes I suppose the best policy is "confess but never pursue" and perhaps the most important thing of all,never regret in life from your past mistakes ...because our failures teach us more than our achievements,offcourse only if we're willing to learn.

SDJ

DEDICATED TO ALL MOVIE GEEKS.....

I love cinema.....I love cinema not because it entertains but it's one
of the most powerful & on-your-face potrayal of art.True cinema teaches you
one simple thing-"an idea whose time has come...cannot be held back by any force".Here I have given a list of 20 movies that I have loved and admired immensely(I hav ranked them also).

20)Requiem for a dream(2000)-both addicts & non-addicts must watch it,it'll touch u in the gut

19)Strangers on a train(1951)-one of alfred hitchcock's best works,njoy the train ride with a psycho

18)12 monkeys(1995)-this bruce willis/brad pitt movie is one of the best sci-fi thrillers u'll ever get.Infact it goes beyond normal sc-fi

17)Pursuit of Happiness(2006)-pick up this movie wen u r in most depressed of moods,believe me it works.Will smith at his best

16)Malena(2000)-the desperation of a nation...the desperation of a woman.Nowhere else u'll find a more convincing potrayal of adolescent fascinations

15)City of God(2002)-a milestone in cinema,story of two brothers in slums of Rio in Brazil

14)Ocean's 11(2001)-one of the most coolest and smartest because it doesnt pretend to be...if u love con,see this one

13)The thin red line(1998)-nobody wins a war,we all lose ...the story of moral battle of a soldier

12)DEV D(2009)-bollywood comes off age finally,anurag kashyap deserves kudos for attempting this daring and "from the heart" venture...for wanting to re-tell a classic in contemporary times

11)The pianist(2002)-tale of a jewish pianist's survival against all odds during nazi invasion of Poland in 1939...highly captivating

10)Kuch Kuch Hota Hai(1998)-u know u are in love wen...KKHH,it's so fresh and innocent that it seems timeless to me every time I watch it...atleast one thing bollywood has mastered - EMOTIONS

9)WALL-E(2008)-best animated movie I have seen in recent times...higly emotional robotic love story...u'll love it

8)DDLJ(1995)-the defination of love personified and frozen in time forever

7)Silence of the Lambs(1991)-the biggest fear that u hav is....the demon living inside u

6)Braveheart(1995)-life and love of a scottish freedom fighter,William wallace...it has my favourite movie soundtrack of all times

5)Rang De Basanti(2006)-the only film that made me think that bollywood has finally matured at last

4)The Shawshank Redemption(1994)-fear holds u a prisoner...hope sets u free,absolutely amazing work of art

3)Schindler's List(1993)-cinematic masterpiece by Speilbeg,set during WW-II wen a Nazi businessman saves thousands of jews from the holocaust.One of the best xperiences on celluloid

2)The Dark Knight(2008)-how can a movie be so flawless,I hadnt not xperienced such greatness in cinema in recent times.The sheer scale of the movie will blow u away....and offcourse u'll not forget Joker for a long time...."u either die a hero or live long enough to see urself bcom the villian"

1)Lord of the Rings Trilogy-i.e the three crowning jewels when it comes to cinema
LOR-fellowship of the ring(2001)
LOR-the two towers(2002)
LOR-the return of the king(2003)
Some movies cant be described in words.See it to believe the power and influence of celluloid magic


I shall be very grateful if all people who go through this....suggest some grt movies from their own personal collection


SOUMYA DARSHAN JENA

FEAR IS HOW I FALL...CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL

"Fear is how i fall....confusing what is real".No these lines are not by

me,neither have I the experience nor talent for such wise

one-liners.These lines are taken from the song "crawling" by Linkin

park,I simply love that band,they've a message to convey in every

composition.
Fear,that powerful of all emotions is not alien to anyone amongst us,we

all have in one way or other confronted fear in it's various

manifestations.But why do we fear?Is it really worth it?
Some wise man did say "the tragedy of life is...the strongest of our

desires and biggest of our nightmares are almost same ,in the sense that

they never are realized"
Yet we spend most of our worthy time in fear.In fear of deeds of our

past & in fear of our future.Very rarely do we live in the present ,we

keep swinging between past and future.The question is:Why do we fear?

and What do we fear?
Fear is in-built in humans ,we probably cant do without it,but courage

is not absence of fear but the will-power to carry on , in spite of

fear.I assume we fear because we are "ignorant",we fear because we do

not understand things properly....we fear because we are too afraid to

abandon fear itself.We fear snakes because we are ignorant of the fact

that unless disturbed,a snake does not attack.We fear failing in exams

because we see the difficult path but not the chance to better

ourselves, we fear losing our property because we donot understand that

being materialistic never satisfied anyone.
Now comes the question:What? i.e What do we fear exactly?What I have

learnt from my limited experience in life is that we fear

"consequences",in more crude words we fear the future.
Imagine what we could have accomplished, had we not stepped back in fear

of consequences.My father tells me "try to do...what you fear the

most".Yes i agree that we cant get all things we TRY for ,but surely

enough we cant get anything if we donot TRY at all.
So next time ,just go n do it...go and start a new project that you were

holding back in fear of failure, go and stand up against what you think

is wrong....go and confess your feelings to the person you care for, the

feelings that you hid in your heart and never brought to lips due to

fear of rejection.We may not succeed...but in the end , we feel less

burdened ,much lighter .

Fear clouds the mind,it doesnot allow right decisions at right time and

right place.While we shed our fear...we overtly simplify our own lives.


"Fear always springs from ignorance."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

SOUMYA DARSHAN JENA

On feelings, on love.....that syncing feeling.

Looking back at life, I have had two convictions, which were more or less, with me. First, I have always felt I don’t deserve love. Second, I do not want love.

Somewhere, I had confused love and obsession, as one and same feeling, varying only in degrees.

Once, I decided to work hard on the relationship. Other times, I allowed situations to rule the roost. All the times, I was misunderstood. Always doubted.

Is it fear paralyzing my soul. Maybe yes. The first thing that comes to my mind is am I the best for her. Someone else may love her more than me. Can’t convince myself about this. I feel I love her the most and this is the most I can love. I mean its perhaps my limitation, that I cannot love her more. Someone may take care of her better. Everytime I have hurt her, the only prayer has been: God, if u really exist, Kill me, immediately, with a bullet right between my eyes. No right, left. Dead center.

Is it better to be a true friend and see her smiling from a distance. She makes her appearance for sometime and naughtily asks will u be able to see me in someone else’s arms. Last week’s Business Standard is in the corner and its angry. Didn’t read a page this week. A quick analysis. Investment zero. The other man does all the work. Profit, I am happy when I see her from a distance. Now that I will be far, I will be seeing her from distance, I will be having selective perceptions, based on sampled evidences, which will be different from true ones. Overall, its profitable. She asks again, how would u feel when I am touched by someone else? Yes, blood will be lava, I would burn within. 2-3 days of crying, 2-3 months of sulking and in desperate terms,2-3 years of getting-used-to, It wouldn’t matter. And I can always chase my records myself, with time I grow better, though slow, orkut has suggested that gradually improving people should be encouraged. But true friendship would help me a lot to fulfill my other roles a lot better. Before doing the Houdini act for the last time, u ask again, what is he is violent, so metimes? I have no answer. How will I stop myself then?

I ask myself: Can I bear a misunderstanding again? Last time, I cried and cried. My tears meant nothing to u. I was a boy then. Now I cry within. I die within. All I know is I am a lover and an insecure one. I remember my friend, the fastest Indian Dev and his tagline of years: Every ordinary love story has an extraordinary lovestory. Jo aapki marzi, Rab di marzi.

Satya Shiladitya Kar

I couldn’t sleep, these haunted me. There’s no answer, just questions. I obviously don’t want to write a love letter, though I end up writing one.If anyone likes it, plzzz give a call or send a message on 9937763577. I just want to feel I am not alone. Also feel some people like me.

CONFESSIONS OF A BIBLIOMANIAC

Almost all mortals amongst us complain of being able to inherit only one lifetime.....they complain that there are too many
wonderfull things to experience ,too many unseen and unheard mysteries waiting to be unsolved but there's only one life?This

is simply not fair.....
Yes we do have one lifetime,and indeed a very short one but unfortunate are those that measure life through months and years

,life infact consists of moments ,life consists of experiences that we behold.It's working through this philosophy that I

fell in love with books a long time ago.....and as I invaded those unheard territories one by one,step by step and page by

page ,I realised that a whole world of humanity lay before me to understand and to comprehend.
Newton once told..."I have been able to see farther than most people,only because I have stood on shoulders of gaints",and

very truly he referred the books as shoulders of gaints.
A book is perhaps the only friend who will not complain even if you forget it in shelves,and leave it to tatters after using

it...it's the only friend that gives you a thought for lifetime and wants nothing in return.That kind of unconditional love

is extinct in a world where we dwell presently.


A man who doesnot read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them ~ Mark Twain


I believe presently there's a strong necessity to revive the habit of "reading books",it's higly necessary in a society where

children and adolescents grow up under shadows of false idols ,a society where younglings have their creativity crushed under
peer as well as parental pressure.....and most necessarily for the so-called-youngistan who are brought up on heavy doses
so-called-cool reality shows on TV nowadays.It's high time we nourish the aesthetic values of our generation and those

growing up in this MTV atmosphere,an atmosphere where pretention is likened to coolness and aggression is mistaken as

attitude....an atmosphere where everybody wants to be like someone else,nobody wants to be him/hershelf anymore,because

sticking to your individuality is not COOL enough.I ask Why do we need a alter personality to stick to?
Knowledge is the base on which our civilization was founded and nowhere else our stakes for future are higher than the

knowledge pool of our society.Keeping this in view there is an immediate need to encourage Public Libraries amongst us.In a

city like Bhubaneswar which is almost a million-strong now ,there are only handfull of public libraries catering to our

needs.It's certainly time we address these issues......because as I said never have been our stakes so higher.
Yes i'll sound archaic,uncool and "boring" but I do confess that I love books,I love them from the time they smell as fresh

as bamboo till the time they turn yellow and dog-eared in my shelves,in anticipation of a second read from me.I must admit I

disappoint them because I have new mystic worlds and creatures waiting for me to espy.
And as regard to cool generation-y ,there are two sets of people in this world....trend-setters and trend-followers ,decide

what you wanna be,and decide fast because time isn't very generous after all.



"Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man." ~quote on wall of LIBRARY OF CONGRESS(US)


SOUMYA DARSHAN JENA

what's the difference between the vast sky spread before you and the temple laid in front of you....where does your so-called GOD live and carry out his functions,does he sees you from sky or from the man-chosen abode of temple.My friends call me a staunch atheist because i dont believe in the concept of GOD.
For me "atheism is not the denial of GOD ,but the denial of the present concept of GOD".....yes ,i see the same beauty and same faith both in the vast sky and in the temple ,infact i see the same beauty in every atom of nature...it doesnot matter wherever it may lie.

What GOD is to others ,HOPE is to me.....so it's very clear that we as a society have given a materialistic identity to hope i.e GOD,we have created a support system for ourshelves to fall back on ,when things dont go as we wanted them to be in first place.In more crude words ,we want someone to take the blame for our decisions in life and also to take credit for our accomplishments.Why would any rational person do that?

When i term myself as rational i donot abandon the power of HOPE ,infact no mortal can survive without hope ....it's only the hope for a better tomorrow that gives us a reason to fight the perils of our present and forget misdeeds of past.No one can abandon hope but at same time i believe firmly in "plan of nature"....every thing has an cause-effect relationship.if we want some change in our life ...we have to work towards it,every time we may not succeed but the struggle with situations is what romance is made of and it does make our lives a little more worthwhile.


SOUMYA DARSHAN JENA

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

"When you think something ,you think in picture ,not in words.You think of the picture that best expresses your thoughts....that's the power of a picture"

In this vastness of eternity where every human life is merely a blink on the eternal timeline ,where time have almost got control over space and dimensions .....the only thing that alludes human control is time.
Dont we have any control over time?Wait then what about a photograph ,a potrait or a painting to say the least .......when i think of any picture ,i get a feeling that yes time can be conquered.After all
isn't a photo just "a moment frozen in time".

Every picture is timeless ,becouse every picture has a story to tell .....a romance to behold.....a piece of time frozen for eternity.